MS. FRANKENSTEIN

test tube derby girl:
3 parts moxie, 2 parts steel
add fishnets & wheelz

MOLLY RINGWALD, EAT YOUR HEART OUT

hot Saturday night
encountered Sixteen Scandals
in public restroom

PRIMA DONNA

SING it. BRING it, girl.
Phannie of the Opera
hits U with high notes!

ODE 2 THE DERBY FAN

U dig the derby
smothered in tattoos, fo sho
what's UR derby name?

DERBY 101

Ghetto Stiletto:
hostess with the mostest, YO!
killer heelz on wheelz

MOTOWN MEANIE

Honey Suckit, YO!
she mixed up: half sweet, half street
Detroit Rock City!

THE BUZZ AROUND TOWN

hometown hype: star-struck!
derby 2 take center stage
LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION!

NEWS U CAN USE

YO, magic 8 ball,
will derby girlz rule the world?
all signs point 2 YES

EVA DEAD (BUT SHE CAN HEAR U)

he said "she scary"
she said, "that zombie jam, YO!"
he said, "jam, Dead, jam"

SERMON AT THE BOUT

behold, our Mouthpiece
the Oracle of Derby
speaketh the gospel

ZEE DERBY C'EST CHIC

zee Moulin Rouge girlz
skate like zee wind, ooh la la
derby Parisien

BURN U 2 A CRISP

reincarnation
Andy Warhol, skates & skirt
Electra Chair FRIES!

WEAR A HELMET

girl, this is DERBY!
this is UR brain on DERBY
YO! any questions?

INTERPLANETARY RUMBLE

off like rockets 2
east coast extravaganza
skate 2 the moon, girlz!

SPIN 2 WIN

Varla vroom-a-vroom
she skate like a cyclone
whirly, twirly, WOW!

POWER BREAKFAST

if poptarts could skate
how derbyriffic they'd be
lil' jam-filled wonders!

SHE DA BOMB!

X-Ray vision blinds
blasts of sun and stars, EXPLODE!
Peg Legs color BOMB

THE ZEN OF DERBY

find UR center, YO!
focus on UR breath. breathe deep.
SMACK the nearest doll!

SAFETY FIRST

silly pet monkey
skating out of control... SMASH!
need a crash helmet

RAT CITY vs. CORPORATE GIANT

Starbucks power jam
rollergirls & lattes, YO!
easily confused

ALL STAR PUB CRAWL

Kola cocktails KICK
Diablo shots pack a PUNCH
bottoms up, SUCKA!

FRESH OFF THE FARM

Dairyland Dolls dread
Windy City's All-Star force
mad cows won't save them

DERBY IN WONDERLAND

YO! chasing rabbits?
need a hand? ...go ask Malice
when she's 10 feet tall

U BETTER PAY UR RESPECTS

our lady of FEAR
sneaks up without warning, SMACK!
Yvette Yourmaker

MAMA KNOWS

mama bear sez, YO!
she got soul. she really rollz.
girl, she solid GOLD.

REASONS 2 JOIN DERBY

wrestle with demons.
struggle with inner darkness.
score points. lots of points.

SMALL & MIGHTY

B on the look-out...
little creatures, evil deeds
derby monsters, YO!

CALL OF THE WILD

alter egos roar
whilst babes in fishnets flail, flog
honeys on the hunt

REALLY MEAN SOX

wicked witch fashion
screw the ruby slippers, YO!
go 4 sexy stripes!

BECOMING A ROLLERGIRL...

Payne D. Spencer writes
of derby lite's tuff trials
one bad-ass Betty!

SHE SUPER FLY

from the flames of hell
fearless femme fatale premieres
hark! Ying D'Avenger

HELLUVA RINGTONE

even more cowbell.
U ring it. they bring it, YO!
league CHAMPS! no fiction.

GOTTA DO WHAT U GOTTA DO

new development
my pet monkey skates 2 slow
...speed skating lessons

HEY HEY MAMA

sheer intensity
turn it up in shades of RED
Zeppelin rocks & rolls

DERBYRIFFIC SCOOP!

roadtrip, anyone?
filming 4 Drew's flick starts soon
show her what U got!

GRAFFITI TACTIX

Athena distracts
while Varla spreads the gospel
WORD UP! Hell's Belles, YO!

TALES FROM THE CRYPT

hey, May R. Daley:
skeletons in the closet?
UMMM... just the good parts

COME 2 THE FREAK SHOW

80s LaLaLand
roller-rama-drama, YO!
gotsta check this out

SOME LIKE IT RUFF

Dina's paddle: HOT
know why the caged bird sings? (...SPANK!)
daily discipline

SWEET AS HELL

heroic HONEYS
SCRUMPTIOUS & victorious
undefeated YUM

THE CHURCH O'DERBY

hear Hell's Belles ring out
frenzied fans come 2 worship
hallelujah, YO!